How I Loathe Thee, Let Me Count the Ways

I am at an age where I can accept the reality that those I associate with will not always hate the same people that I hate. That, however, does not make me immune to supreme annoyance when it happens right in front of me. You would think it were only common courtesy not to flaunt such relationships in front me, but apparently she has no qualms about it. I am beginning to think that she does it on purpose.

It is not even that I hate the people she insists on talking to, it is that I loathe them with a passion. I absolutely detest them and everything that they stand for. It isn't even the ignorant pettiness that went on between all of us so many years ago because I am quite over that. It is the fact that back then she chose them over me that smarts so much.

Perhaps it is just a matter of pride and that it was my pride that was wounded. I am family. They are not. Yet, inexplicably, she chose to believe them, she chose them, again and again. It's not even just a matter of wounded pride, it is a matter of loyalty and betrayal. I have chosen her, always and unfailingly, and yet she didn't show me the same loyalty and courtesy that I have always given her.

I really don't take to betrayal well. I think I might have abandonment issues but that is another issue altogether. I am a grown up, an adult, I should be over this. It annoys me to the core that I am not, and therefore I blame them, those utterly despicable people that I loathe. I don't care that it might be misdirected hatred, because the last thing I have left is my pettiness and vindictiveness, and I am not going to let them take that away from me. It's healthy, I swear it is.